Ready to recycle more and drive less?
Living a green lifestyle is generally the incentive to adopt a healthy lifestyle, and taking care of yourself becomes more and more important as you get older. While illness can strike at any time, some ailments and conditions patiently wait most of your life before they arise. In other words, you are reaching that age where nature lets go of dogs. Here are some facts.
It gets harder to stay slim
Not that everyone is waiting for the start of “middle aged spread”. Watching video footage shot in my town center in the UK in the 1970s, I asked myself: ‘where are all the fat guys? It was like a zoo without hippos and elephants. The lack of huge chins and massive waists made the Main Street eerily barren. The people seemed too thin to properly fill the surrounding space. One of the reasons people are fatter these days was demonstrated when three tall women in front of me at a cafe ordered a mountain of sugar. It was in the form of cups of coffee not only sweetened with thick syrup, but topped with big dollops of dairy cream, stacks of mini marshmallows, and a big pinch of chocolate. I was horrified. It was only eight o’clock, my God! I was wondering if I should call an ambulance. Blame it on the food industry or the unwillingness of the people, but obesity in the West is a modern plague. A 2019 health survey estimated that 28% of people in England were obese. Imagine that 28 percent like a slice of Black Forest cake and you’ll understand better.
Sleeping becomes more difficult
The shorter your sleep, the shorter your life. Most experts agree on this point. The reverse should also be true, that getting plenty of sleep is healthy and promotes longevity. There must be a limit though, otherwise, people could become immortal by simply sleeping nonstop for 24 hours a day, existing in a world of eternal dreams. It certainly wouldn’t suit me. My dreams are as if they were written and made by Alfred Hitchcock. I always fend off bird attacks and knife-wielding psychopaths in my sleep. Plus, I’m one of those people who partly makes their dreams come true, throwing karate punches and kicks like a wobbly drunkard. I was worried to read that night terrors put you at a higher risk of getting dementia. I can only hope I don’t have the type of dementia where you take off all your clothes in public and sit down to eat other people’s leftovers.
I can’t describe how dismayed I was when a bartender called me “the man in the glasses”Since I had always considered glasses to be a deformity akin to awkward teeth or a hunched back. Truth be told, my eyesight started to decline when I was forty years old when I suddenly had to contend with my cell phone in one hand and my new reading glasses in the other to view a text. These glasses have since evolved into high-strength varifocal lenses that prevent me from walking on the edge of the cliffs. In the UK we get free eye tests when we turn sixty, as well as free prescription medicine. It’s awesome. But what about free alcohol too? It is said that a glass of red wine a day is good for your health. Unfortunately, like with sleep, there is a limit. And this glass is that. The list of diseases caused by excessive alcohol consumption is long. He understands the aptly named “Wet brainOr Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, which is linked to chronic vitamin B1 deficiency and is a common complication of long-term binge drinking. It is not certain that an acute case of this disease can be called “very wet brain” or even “wet brain”.
You become less mobile
When I developed a bad leg and started using a cane, I ironically felt more free in public. People stepped aside to let me pass. They took their children out of my way. When I boarded a crowded train, the guard escorted me to an empty seat as if I were a guest of honor. This special treatment is all well and good, but it is reminiscent of being identified by my glasses (“place au monsieur au baton”). And that stick, let’s face it, is the starting point of infirmity, a process of increasing fragility that ends with me getting in and out of the toilet and my food being cut up for me. It can’t be that bad and I fantasize about installing a stairlift. My grandmother had one. The kids used to say goodbye to her as she began her climb to the bathroom, reaching a breakneck speed of 0.15mph with a prevailing breeze. When she returned much later, they pointed to her enthusiastically as if they saw a sail on the horizon. This is a problem with stairlifts. You could die of old age on them.
Some glands play
This one is reserved for men. The prostate is a walnut-sized pelvic gland that produces seminal fluid, in which semen swims. Unfortunately, it can grow in size over the course of life to the point of making it difficult to pass urine. This problem is usually treated with alpha blockers, a drug that relaxes the muscles around the prostate and urethra, allowing urine to flow freely. Unfortunately, it is not suitable for men with a sex life, as alpha blockers can relax the bladder neck to such an extent that “backsliding” or “dry” ejaculation results. This means the man ejaculates into his own bladder, a sleight of hand which, as you can imagine, could cause consternation among everyone involved. Pharmaceutical companies have previously investigated the use of alpha-blockers as a male contraceptive, except the results weren’t consistent enough and the men, presumably, didn’t want their bladder turned into an aquarium. Also, a possible side effect of alpha blockers is diarrhea, which is good if there is no danger of the man shitting in his own stomach.