I am not sure of my life path

I’m in my early 30s, and I admit I was pretty lazy and did a lot of silly things in my 20s. A lot of people around me feel like I’m one step ahead in life, and I’m just starting to figure this out. When I’m making progress or accomplishing what I consider a milestone in my life, instead of celebrating with me, everyone kind of treats it like it’s time. It’s really hard to be proud of myself for something positive, and their reactions make me doubt myself, regret my decisions and feel like I can’t make up for it. How can I get started and feel good about myself?

Late flowering

Hi LB,

Before we go any further, I want to enthusiastically encourage you to let go of those friends who don’t want to celebrate your milestones. I’m not saying you need sycophants in your life, but I think you would benefit greatly from friendships with people who want to see you succeed in a way that makes sense to you. Your friends should meet you where you are instead of judging you by their own standards. Find people whose standards match yours and be friends with them instead of those other assholes.

I once had a classmate who found me on social media every few years and rubbed her “accomplishments” on my face, but it turned out that the “magazine” she was “editor of Was just a bad guy designed a website that she launched and abandoned that same year. After college she moved back to the Midwest and lived with her well-off parents (I think she still does, and I don’t care enough to go check it out), and she works in a field that hasn’t. nothing to do with our undergraduate program. Put simply, she doesn’t do any better than I do when you take the boastful facade off social media. At least I never went back to live with my parents.

I’m full of funny stories about my 20s on the East Coast, but I still rent. My social media calendars are overflowing with high school mates who either own sprawling ranch-style homes or McMansions with backyards overrun with dogs and kids. I have a friend who had a giant wedding last year that was actually too small for them, so now they’re having another giant ceremony just a year later. My high school crush just visited the Southwest with their spouse and two kids in an RV, while towing their giant van behind them. My dad bought me my current car over ten years ago and this morning I put the heel back on a pair of boots. I had to remove my $ 30 Zenni frames to be able to see my shoe mending work because I couldn’t afford to switch to bifocals, and today I chose to buy masks KN95 instead of a pair of reading glasses.

There are definitely days when I feel like a huge failure for these reasons, but I can’t lie: I love my life, and I don’t regret anything. Most people aren’t even happy with what they have anyway, and sometimes the normal ones are even envious of the freedom and whimsy of skidmarks like us, people who have dared to live a life without so much. commitments. The work sucks, you know? Being a parent is stressful and scary as hell. Owning a business is expensive and is rarely as rewarding as “entrepreneurs” on the Internet might suggest.

How many times have you been proposed by a married person? Personally, I lost count, but I bet that’s more than the number of those people who were also ethically non-monogamous. People are generally unhappy and unethical, and life is rarely as fun as other people would like you to believe. You’ve probably lived your life with a level of impetuosity that stirs up jealousy in those who can’t afford to relax and let go as you or I can. Put simply, people hate it and your life has probably been a lot cooler than you think. So what if you just applied for a home loan or whatever? It’s all relative, so indulge yourself and make new friends. You will thank me.

Need advice? Send an email to [email protected], or use our anonymous online form at flagpole.com/get-advice.

About Marion Alexander

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